I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
