Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize