I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
