Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
