Rock
Scissors
Fuck
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
