She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize