VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
