i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize