The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
