Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
