Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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