i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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