she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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