Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize