Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
