just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i've created a new STD.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
