he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize