How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
