guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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