Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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