I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
