Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
