Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
