I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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