why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
