Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
