The best revenge is premature balding
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
