I wanna passion pit in your ass
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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