Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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