I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
