ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
