i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am naked and annoyed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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