just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
