I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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