I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize