Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
