Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
