You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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