So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
