dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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