Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
