I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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