first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
