Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
