i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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