when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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