her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
