I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
