Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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