the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize