dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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