i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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