He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
