thus making me awesome and them whores
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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