I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize