The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
