I love having hate sex.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize