Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
