i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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