I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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