dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
