What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
