The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
