We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
