$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
