She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
