i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
