Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
