You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
