His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
