were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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