Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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