Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
