How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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