Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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