she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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