I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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