i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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