I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
