i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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