he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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