My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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