I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize