I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
