btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
