Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
