jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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