hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
