Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just puked most of my soul out..
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