it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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