Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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