Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
