I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
