Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she woke up with a sticky ear
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
