dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
