is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
