Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
