Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize