I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
