Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
